"they really do want to fill the world with themselves" "they really do want to fill the world with evil". I dont quite understand those quotes. Maybe its true. But I havent really ever found that in myself. if the quote was "they really want to sin and do evil". You know what yeah I do. I will plain out simply admit it. I want to be a jerk. My heart deep down does want to say screw you to the world. I truely do want to show no mercy and see my enemies suffer without any compassion. Its a huge struggle.
Although I am not sure if I would want everyone else to be like that. And I am not really sure if want to fill the world with that.
This blog I am basically dealing with what could be called the deepest darkest biggest sin. I am going to bring it out into the light. I may not want too. But if I keep it hidden it will grow and eventually burst out and try to take power over me. So its better for something to be seen than unseen. At least you know whats coming. And just like a judge and a court if the sin is stated out in the open and admitted at least the judge can make a wise and constructive decision based upon the matter at hand.
I seriously dont really know where to begin to decyfer this down. But that never stopped me before. Alright dealing with the first question. Do I really want to fill the world of clones of me? Well taking what I know, at first thought I say absolutely not. Why? Becuase maybe I think its just silly and insane. But behind a crazy idea is always an insightful meaning.
What I know is if there was numorous of me life would not be as interesting and full of learning as it is today. Another thing I dont know all of who I am so if I were to clone myself maybe I would be able to understand who I am more but I dont think that would help the world very well. I mean I dont know all of who I am and I dont think I would want to unleash something I dont know everything about and havent had a good time to study, something crazy and in constant change like a human being is. But taking the idea I was perfect and nothing was wrong; I dont know if there wouldnt be anything left to accomplish in this world. Everything would be good and there wouldnt really have a life reason anymore. Taking that if I was sinful and evidently evil; I would say I dunno if clones were made of me like that it would destroy the world. There would be too much sin and too much arrogence and ignorance. My weakness would overpower my strengths. I know myself that much.
Would I want to have the world full of clones of me? I dont think so. But why would someone else then? A majority of people would say no. But really underneath it all would we really?
Second question. Do I really want to fill the world with evil? well every piece of wisdom I have gotten and that I have understood has totally prooved this to be very upseting and make life outrageously hopeless. But underneath it all. I would have to say almost that I woud want to. In admittance. Yeah I always have had this evil desire to do that. I have no idea why. I can see from the wisom I have acquired over the years that the world is already in enough bad shape. If i were to allow my sinful desires to come alive this world would have little left to live for and hope for.
I have always remembered throughout these high school years that I wanted other people to not only see this angelic sweet side that I usually show everyone. I wanted others to see that thats not my heart at all. If anyone wanted to bad, It was me. People really dont understand when I tell them I want to be evil. Ever since I was little I have had this sick desire to be bad. Very bad. People see the sweet side of me and they did and I got so mad. When they called me innocent I thought to myself "Ill show you innocence". To me its almost like the evil heart I want to unleash still wants to be overflowing and fluent in my life. I could probably get away with it too. Although I have found that underneath all of this evil is a truth. A truth that turns on a light and shows that underneath it all is pure strong decietful lies.
Im not really sure If I can see or even admit that it would really affect me but I know it would affect others around me. I influence a lot of lives every day. We all do. And If I was promoting something it would be seen very easily as a good way to live. One reason I think I wanted to be this evil desire in my heart is because along with it comes trouble and pain. And its almost like I love those things because somehow they have always strengthened me. And on top of that I have a reputation and others respect me. They fear me. What I see now is I can have that same power only the right way. And I mean maybe I havent all these experiences I wanted to but I think somehow God knows the depths of my heart and He understands what is going on and He will definately fill that yearning I have wanted in a more thriving, beneficial, and better way. He has a better plan for me than I ever had put together. He shows me up all the time.
So taking that at hand, yes I definately have always wanted to fill the world with evil. But I refuse to because I know that it may be what I call profitable for me, because I see life as fleeting and I have views on life that I have always governed my life with, but they are definately not profitable to followers. And it sort of feels like I have a greater power than of that evil desire. Because my power is under evil its not really over it. In my "innoncence" or "angelic" lifestyle these days I have power over this evil and I also have Gods strength because I follow Him and I am His child. I have all the power I could possibly consume as a human and I can get truthful wisdom which makes my power even more influencial and "crafty" if you will. I can use my imagination and really bring a message across.
So If I could fill the world with evil I would refuse to, no matter what the evil one offers to give me in the end all he can give is worldly things and those will pass away or if otherwise how can I trust a liar? I cant. And I wont. Under that lie is deciet. Always strings attached whether invisible or not.
with the innocence comments and such it has always got me kind of ticked off. But I am starting to see it this way, Im probably more knowledgable about these things in the long run than they are anyway so really they are the innocent ones.
God gave me leadership ability for a reason. Am I not just going to throw it in the gutter and use it for evil. There arent many like me. Christian and influencial leaders in the world. I would rather walk with an honest leader than I decietful one anyway. God has called me to righteous and because I have heard that call. The one thing I live for has called me to a duty. Its challenging its worth it and I have already decided a long time ago that I have accepted.
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