Scary

Im either still numb or scared. I dont know what of but I dont feel prepared. Sometimes I feel like Im not worth of any of it. Why should I be happy? What makes it right? Where do I draw the line, or even should there be a line? Should life really be any bit of me? Should it all be for serving God and others?

You know what, Im not serving others I serve God and what He asks of me I do, I dont listen to others...(I havent before so why start now anyhow?) If I listen to others I let them "control" me. I instead choose to listen onlu those that deserved to be listened to. Its just like God says "dont throw your pearls to pigs". Im no fool and I dont like being controlled, im not an electronic. Im Alyssa, Gods child.

IF Im Gods servent Is serve Him. He is my master and I will listen to Him.

The funny part of all this. Well I never could see myself actually following all these different names of God. I thought it was crazy and insane I was like its either one or the other. But naturally enough He's everything. Maybe its because humans have all these needs and God is the answer to every need somehow. the more and more I walk with Him I understand that really He does have power and wisdom over His creation, and He is big, I can sense it, and He could break us any minute.

He is a judge, the groom, our father, messiah, creator, God, I mean everyting. He IS. The I AM. Amazing.