Sometimes I dont like sharing my feelings. I dont like letting my heart be vulnerable. But as a Chrsitian I think really thats what Im called to do. I dont like always sharing my depths of my heart. I dont want to face them.

Its like just like a naturla thing for a person to do is find the negetives and weaknesses, its like we like to hide. Hide from conviction. Hid from whats real. Hide from being free. Hide from love. Hide from God.

I dont want to...but yet its so natural for a person to want to hide. Its easy too. So easy. Nothing can be found when one is hidden. When I hide, I feel like a darkness, a quiet empty blackness that I cant see into, a greater fear that I cant control, a unreasonable account maybe but so real. Death, hatred, pain, deep, deep, deep, deep dowm is a cruel spirit that was once unchanged. Its like I can recall what it was to be without Christ.

He took it away. But I was so youn gI didnt understand but now its like He showing me what its like to be in the shoes of the unsaved non-christian. Its empty and bare. Nothing to live for, nothing to fight for. Crying to be stilled to be released and to die, like to even to exist. But denying every truth it accepts, drowing in out with darkness.
Definately without the Holy Spirit one has no purpose and now love faith or peace. Ironic how something so empty could be unpeacful.