To begin

Im so tired right now. I have had put my school off for a while. I go to on an online school and my headache is insane. Oh gee, I so wish that I could sleep until Im not tired and just be graduated already. I mean yeah wishes can come true...but it requires some work...and AH! haha I dont want to work.

I dont know, all day its been looking at the laptop screen reading reading and answring question after question. I have worked for at least 6 hours. Man oh man, I was like okay no more! And i stopped.

Beyond my day being long with school, other things always come to my mind. Like for instance the guys I used to be head over heels for in the past. Like they always were on my mind. I was always wishing I would see them again waiting for them to talk to me anticipating every time they looked at me when they would come back to town and we could pick up were we left off. So many wishes about these guys. Im starting to think "does this really matter anymore?"

I mean c'mon they moved on obviously so I think I should too. I mean there's all these guys. Like one of them did the sweetest things for me and were so kind and nice, he set me apart and then he changed and moved to Colorado. He was a player too..And like I saw him at this dance, I have decided I shouldnt care anymore. Another he lives in Texas, I love him, like I dont know why but I still wish I could see him again wait for him to talk to me...but you know I think hes moved on, i cant keep wishing we would be together again. Like yeah I miss him and I will be honest, 1. I think he will be come a paster and 2. I would spend the rest of my life with him if i could. Guy after guy...All my silly crushes and childhood romances I just need to let go of but its hard for me for some reason.

So Im putting my foot down. I know God will bring someon to my life someday. I will meet him and well I wont have to worry. See, If you knew me, you would know that I like guys....and I dont know I think its silly to just keep holding on.

Im just going to let all these guys go and maybe even the memories anticipate the future and every guy I seem to "like" well we can be friends I dont haveta date them. I figure with me trying to start up in my acting career why look for a guy you know? Well Im only 16 I guess its normal for these "hormones". I wish my soul mate would come right now but God has a better plan.

I think its so hard for me to let go of the guys I admire because if I do then there is no more romance apart of my life. I dont know I think that when you let go of these type of things and just wait for the new ones you will find yourself not in a past romance but a current one...I think also that in order for me to have that opportunity I need to move, like out of my city and maybe out of my state move. I have been praying like crazy. I just got to simply wait on God now. And you know I am totally willing to do that, why? because he guides my every step and has my path already drawn out for me. All I have to do is follow the creator.