Fake

Sometimes liek before I felt fake. Like being a Christian. Avoiding bad movies bad music bad this bad that. I think that maybe 1. I should have a new perspective about the whole "bad" lists.

I feel like right now that I am fake. I feel unreal. Maybe this is how the Devil tempts me. I want this feeling to go away. I know its true. Its almost like saying that maybe either I am better than others and I desreve praise or that I am just submitting to another rule. I feel almost limp, weak. I know its far from true this feeling. So maybe I shouldnt base my decision of me being fake on how I feel. I know a cure for this. Right away...read my Bible. Talk to God.

Okay...so I am trying to pick this feeling apart for some reason it is hard to detach.

This feeling is almost like professing a statement. Short story long, that I am (maybe afraid to) avoiding the "real" (of course I may be decieved) of the world. Okay well lets take this example, I am not sure if this was really where I was headed, the worlds real is what I am trying to avoid. bad music, Kesha, bad movies, rated R and sex scenes, bad language, God says let no unwholesome words come out of your mouth. Okay scripture to back this up first, I am to be in the world but not of the world. second, I am looking at these bad things as a law "dont touch" but I am not bound to any law. Plus in the Bible God gives us wisdom and insight and instruction on these topics not because He wants to take away or distinguish from right and wrong....it almost more-so that He is commanding them for our protection. There is always a reason for His instruction.

For instance no sex before marriage, why? becuase STDS and it takes away from how love was meant to be and brings heartache not meant to be expereienced. Cuss words, corrupt good company, disrespectful and a passageway for Satan to get you entice you into the world.

I shouldnt just avoid all the "bad" things because they are bad and maybe not necessarily even avoid these. I should more-so first speculate (which I have) and follow God, I am above these things. they are dead to me. I have no reason to do them. sincerely I have no interest in them. and if that isnt enough if I participate in them I am pulling myself away from God and into harms way.

Right now...see I feel weird. Like I am doing something wrong. Its like always tempting my heart. Do this do that. when I reject and indulge in righteousness its like this temptation comes to whisper to my heart that I am a copy-cat and I am unreal and whimpy weak little small and unworthy of...something. Punishment? that is what this uneasiness is in my heart and gassing my mind...its temptation. Maybe even a desire of temptation. Which of course is a decieving concept in itself. I dont have any desire to do wrong..but yet its like that little voice says ...you just dont know what you want. I know two things. I dont want Satan apart of me and I want to be Gods child and bring honor to His name.

So sincerely this "fake" and "unreal"  concept is just a deception of evil desire and a temptation.

Draw me close to you. never let me go. I lay it all down again. to hear you say that Im your friend. This is my desire. help me find the way. and bring me back to you. your all I want. your all I ever needed....thats right He is all I need. I dont need these tempting things.

I know what I want but yet I still turn away. curse you satan.