Basically whats the catch? I dont know. Like I am risking so much by just admitting this to the world. AH Okay okay I am in love! And I dont know whats on the guy's mind. See stupid ol' me was trying not to flirt and ended up doing so. And now its just downhill.
Im not sure where he stands anymore. MAybe next week Ill like the other guy..but something almost tells me I wont. Maybe I am stuck in childhood drama. I don twant to say anything. I dont want to hurt anyones feeling sbut I do at least need to admit it for myself. Im in love with him, honestly I am. And Im not sure if has a clue. Its either he doesnt understand or he is thinking Im some idiot he never wants to talk to agian. See I almost want him to know all this.. But what would it change? He doesnt live here.
Okay okay....I will cut to the chase. I asked him hi greatest dreams he told me and then he asked me. I told him and the third one was fall in love and marry the man I love, to that he asked are you in love or have you? I said I am. He the nkept asing are you sure and how do you know. And I told him I knew but if God obviously doesnt want us together. I almost felt like he didnt know who I was talking about and he got discouraged that I loved someone else...but I love him and he didnt know I was talking about him. After a while he got slower and slower eventually he asled. what do you want now? I said I wanted what I had, Christ. HE said besides Christ. I said basically not right now because I know God doesnt want me to be with the guy I love. And I said but someday whenever I would want the guy with me to be with me as a friend, a boyfriend or even engaged. But God was stoping that for a reason.
After that he just didnt talk any more. SO either he knows and he thinks Im so stupid teenage girl or he going insane. I love HIM! But I dont know what to say I jus twish he would tell me. I wished he lived here in my town or I there in his town. I dont know what to do. The most sad thing about this is I love him more than I have loved anyone else. He is smarter than me more dominant me. He loves God...almost everything I could ever dream of. But see its more like I need him he doesnt me...and that tears my heart in two. I love him and I know I do because Im not naive. I know guys I know relationships. So what Im 16. I know Im in love wth him. Maybe I wont marry him...maybe GOd will bring someone better...but so far, this guy has got my heart amd I am trying with all my might to keep it away from my sleeve because there is no reason why he would ever love me.
And the crazy thing is I admitted to him that I loved him on facebook didnt i? DId he not get that. He did...and he didnt care for me half as much. Ah Im just falling for a guy who woud never have interest in me. I lvoe him with every fiber of my being an its all rubbish because he doesnt see me like that and even if he did how on earth would this ever work. I have never prayed online But I will.
God, I dont know what to do. Please dont let me go astray on a path that I will get a broken heart on please lead me away or change the circumstances. God please put a peace in my heart. God you know my heart and God I have never felt so hopeless. Please, just please guide me. If its your will show me a sign our relationship wont end here. Give me words to say actions to perform and thoughts to calm me. God I love him. Please help me not be so silly, if I am naive God please show me.
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