Slowly but surely

I am getting my normal. Not my familys normal for me not my friends normal for me. My normal. Its all coming together. See heres my ideal schedule;
Signed with a potentional agent; so I can pursue my career
perform in a play; so I can act
sing with a group; work on my chords
fundraise fo summer; that way im working personally
work at a job; so I can work and earn income
school; so obvioulsy Im a teenager
work with a ministry; so I can outreach and evagelize
go to church/youth group; and it can be regualr attendence
have my permit; so I can work towards my license
hang with a bestie
Thats my life. I want to live my life like this. SOmething that is hard for me that I have realized is that I am always living in yesterday, thinking about the old times and wishing to relive them, and tomorrow, thinking about how great my life could be and what I could be doing in the future. I dont live in today I think of today. I want to live in today I really do I want to live live. But for some reason I being held back.

And another thing, alright maybe I am being arrogent or wrong or sinful but at least it will come out in admittance I suppose; I feel like I shouldnt compliment myself. I mean I know that I am pretty I know that I can sing act and dance I know that I am good at pretty much everything I do I know I can cook well I can play the guitar well I can sew well and design well I can do these things exceptionally well. I know I can but I dont want to credit myself. I dont know why. Maybe i am thinking about how easy it was for me to get arrogent and its probably the result from compariso, and even maybe I dont want people to compare themselves to me and feel discouraged in themselves and then not try and just hand the spotlight over to me, maybe that is concieted but I dont have myself in mind. On the other hand maybe I just feel like Im putting otehrs down, what I am realizing is there is a lot of comparison going on. MY thoughts arejumbeled.

maybe if I had the idea that really everyone is equal and different. Liek we all have abilities and those abilities all equal the same but weigh differently on the same scales. I just have more of a performance.

See I think its hard for me to just get over it. Maybe I dont have so much problem with comparing myself to others but I feel discouraged when I think that maybe others are comparing themselves to me.

I may have that conclusio because I think I see beyond the actions and I can see someone's heart. Its like how do I handle this. I dont know. BUt I just probably admitted one of my greatest sins and declared it but you know I am almost alright with that, I mean if someones going to have a perception of me I would rather it be true and maybe even ugly then false and perfect, just the way I am I suppose.